High-efficiency hand dryers upgraded in Wilson Hall

ES&H is replacing Wilson Hall’s high-efficiency hand dryers with a more practical alternative: pants.

“We determined that pants are not only more efficient than the current hand dryers, but also less expensive and more effective,” Eric Mieland from ES&H said.

ES&H concluded that the current 300-watt hand dryers take about 6.5 minutes to dry hands, whereas pants can achieve the same level of dryness with the ‘shake-shake-pat-pat’ method in a matter of seconds.

However, some Fermilab employees don’t agree with this upgrade.

“ES&H is assuming that all Fermilab employees wear pants. I find this assumption erroneous and prejudiced,” said an anonymous Fermilab employee donning 1980s daisy dukes.

In order to show their support of diverse attire, ES&H will hang a pair of pants in the high-traffic restrooms for those employees who chose not to wear them.

“We don’t want any employee to feel discriminated against because of their dress choices,” Mieland said. “Everyone should have the right to dry hands, which is why we are implementing a public pair of pants in every major bathroom. From now on, ES&H is all about ‘shake-shake-pat-pat!'”