Haunting triggers updated menu at The Frontier Pub

After being nearly uninhabitable for several weeks due to what’s being called the “bison head haunting,” a ghost-free Frontier Pub opens today at 4 p.m. with an updated menu.

“Our first clue about the bison head haunting was the perpetually empty Bison Head Ale barrel behind the bar,” said Joe Pygott, head of Fermilab Site Services, including The Frontier Pub. “At first we thought people were sneaking into the Users Center in the middle of the night and drinking all of the beer, but it became clear there was something else going on.”

Lights in the game room flickered on and off with no explanation. The televisions switched from Chicago Cubs games to the Animal Planet channel. The grills in the kitchen couldn’t be ignited. The piano kept playing “Home on the Range” all by itself.

Haunted bison at The Frontier Pub

Haunted bison at The Frontier Pub

“And then there was the ghostly figure that emerged from the bison head’s nostrils every evening,” said Pygott. “The apparition would float all over The Pub while people were trying to relax and eat dinner. Needless to say, it wasn’t good for business.”

Word of the bison head ghost got around and people stopped coming.

“They were scared,” Pygott said. “I don’t blame them. Heck, I was scared, too.”

The Frontier Pub staff contacted Fermilab bison herdsman Cleo Garcia for help in figuring out why the bison head was haunted. He agreed to spend an evening at The Pub, observing and taking notes. After an hour or so without an appearance from the ghost, Garcia realized he was hungry and decided to order dinner. Glancing down at The Frontier Pub menu, he quickly surmised why the bison head was haunted.

“When Cleo suggested that the bison burger on The Frontier Pub menu might be triggering the bison head ghost, it all made sense,” Pygott recollected. “Since we replaced the bison burger with a wild Alaskan salmon burger we’ve had no ghost sightings, no inexplicable occurrences — all thanks to Cleo.”

Director Nigel Lockyer and Fermilab herdsman Cleo Garcia

Director Nigel Lockyer and Fermilab herdsman Cleo Garcia