Breaking: Fermilab launches Eggcelerator

Fermilab has completed work on a groundbreaking accelerator that can have a major effect on our everyday lives: It cooks eggs with the push of a button.

The Eggcelerator (patent pending) accelerates eggs to pretty high energies. The egg beam profile can be adjusted to produce eggs any way you like them: scrambled, fried, hard-boiled, sunny-side up. You name it, and the Eggccelerator can make it.

User must supply eggs.