Yesterday evening the building site prep next to Wilson Hall unexpectedly opened a large hole. Fortunately, no one was injured in the accident.
The hole appears to lead into a large chamber that many are speculating might be the fabled Gallery of Secrets. A spelunking team has been sent for in order to safely explore the site, but workers reported that there appeared to be a large sculpture barely visible in the shadows.
The Gallery of Secrets was supposedly secretly established by Fermilab’s first director, Robert Wilson, when Wilson Hall was built to ensure that there would always be an abundance of art at Fermilab. Legend says that in addition to containing many of Wilson’s original works, the gallery is home to some sort of long-lived creature that protects and creates works of art in its territory.
This morning several new statues where found on site. They appear to be of a bison, a goose and a security guard.
Several abstract metal sculptures appear to form a random maze out in the Tevatron ring, but when viewed from the 15th floor of Wilson Hall, they form letters that spell out, “The Gallery of Secrets had been opened. Enemies of art, beware.”
“Quite unfortunate that I was not here last night,” said Dr. Lockhart. “I know exactly what personal protective equipment would have allowed me to apprehend this monster.”
According to documents discovered in the Fermilab Archives, decorating your office should deter the beast from targeting you. Anyone without art that they want to display in their office is advised that free posters are available outside the Office of Communication on the first floor of Wilson Hall. The art museum on the second floor should also provide a safe haven in a pinch.
“If the statues are actually petrified animals and people, we should be able to restore them within a week,” said Dr. Granger, author of “Fermilab: A History.” “If the beast indeed exists, we should be able to lure it with a large new sculpture and be able to safely contain and study it.”