April Fool

Fermilab has completed work on a groundbreaking accelerator that can have a major effect on our everyday lives: It cooks eggs with the push of a button. The Eggcelerator (patent pending) accelerates eggs to pretty high energies. The egg beam profile can be adjusted to produce eggs any way you like them: scrambled, fried, hard-boiled, sunny-side up. You name it, and the Eggccelerator can make it. User must supply eggs.

Grab your partner, do-si-do! Because of some utility repairs in the Village, folk dancing has been temporarily relocated from Kuhn Barn to the southwest corner of the Wilson Hall cafeteria until further notice. The dances will take place at the usual time, on the first Sunday of every month at 2 p.m. The white curtain ensures that those who go about their everyday work lives — especially the diligent Sunday workers — will not be distracted by the in-curtain entertainment,…

Today, Fermilab Deputy Director for LBNF Chris Mossey announced that when LBNF’s Facebook page reaches 100,000 followers, he will get an LBNF-related tattoo on his upper back. It will show the DUNE beamline traveling 800 miles to South Dakota, with Fermilab on one shoulder and Sanford Underground Research Facility on the other. His commitment to physics research is an inspiration to all.

Due to the success of the Daily Image From Fermilab, Fermilab’s photography club has decided to grow its project to something DIFFERENT: Daily Image From Fermilab Employees Riding Emus Near Tornados. The new project’s specific nature will challenge photographers more than DIFF, where any employee can capture a photo of absolutely anything happening at Fermilab as part of the 50th anniversary celebration. DIFFERENT is currently looking for volunteer photographers, fans of extreme weather, anyone who knows how to ride an…

In recognition of the lab’s 50th-anniversary year, the first 50 individuals to visit the Fermilab Travel Office in person today will each receive a voucher for a free, one-way flight. Some restrictions apply. Winners may fly either from Midway to O’Hare or from O’Hare to Midway. Economy class only. Winners may not select a special meal and must take what the airline offers. Flights must depart between midnight and 5 a.m.

Dedication

No one actually retires at Fermilab.

In an effort to improve sustainability at Fermilab, Kimwipes will be phased out and replaced with the superior actions of Kim’s wipes.

Paintwall, Flock 2 Fun and Arm Wrestling all promise to make your April the healthiest yet. Plus, think ahead to Mother’s Day – a neutrino bouquet is available for discount.